Today was B's first OT appointment, and as a result, I finally have some better information on what to do to help him!  To be perfectly honest, I'm a bit overwhelmed at everything we are, and will be, doing for Ben. It seems the whole of every day is devoted to him, at the expense of everyone/thing else in my life. I'm hoping that soon it will become rote and just what we do, and not such a Big Thing. Anyway, on to the session!

When we arrived at the OT's B was thrilled to know he was going into The Green Room. When he had his evaluation a few months ago, we were in The Blue Room and he has been desperate to find out what was behind the door with the green square!

He was able to explore the room to check everything out while Emma (the OT) got things sorted for the session.  Then B got to pick out a few activities from a bunch that selected for him.  He chose the tire (big inflated donut hanging from the ceiling), puzzle, bean bin and therapy ball.

The tire, he was able to jump on, and through, and swing on and fall off of - over and over - while Emma and I chatted about things.  He was in heaven. He's VERY much a bump and crash sensory seeker!

Then he had to take apart the puzzle, take all the pieces up to a platform via ladder and sit there and wait for instructions.  She gave him an obstacle course to follow - go down the slippery dip (slide), under the platform swing, over the wedge ramp, and through the tire, then put the puzzle piece in, and start over.  You could just see that he had a great time, and even though he was working his body hard, it wasn't a manic, or frenzied activity.

Then he played in a box full of dried broad beans, looking for little plastic toys, followed by some "funny walking" - like a crab and kicking the therapy ball back and forth from that position.  Then we had some pressure lessons with the brush and joint compression.

You could see he was responding VERY well to what he was doing, which gives me some hope that with repetition, he will be able to organise himself.

Emma was happy to know that we have been using a structured schedule (more on that here), and said that it would be fairly easy to incorporate the sensory diet into the day we have already.  Already tonight, I've seen some success with the addition of brushing and joint compression to our nightly routine. The boys settled into bed far quicker than they have recently!  I have a lot to think about and plan over the next few days!

Which brings me to a bit of a tangent: the Mister and I have our "date night" tonight (on the lounge, in front of the TV. We're such party animals. lol) so I will hit "Publish" and walk away from the computer and all things SPD and kid-related for a few hours.

What have you done for yourself, and/or your relationship, recently? I've recently made a promise to myself that I will make time for myself (via exercise and physio) and for my marriage, via these "Date Nights" when we usually watch NCIS and NCIS:LA. It's a chance for the Mister to get away from work for a bit, and for us to just BE together without doing anything. It's been hard for me, because there is SO much to do...but it will be there in a few hours.

Even if you take just a few minutes, take some time for yourself today. Dance around the house to your favourite song, take a quick walk and get some fresh air, or take a nice bath. Whatever you do, just enjoy it and be IN the moment!

The title refers to me. In reading and learning about what my children are dealing with, I have learned a LOT about myself.  The psychologist who evaluated B said that it was likely that my husband or I were gifted as well. I could see it in my husband, but I just think I have ADD. ;)   However I find that the more I learn, the more I realise I am definitely spirited and sensational!  It helps me be a more compassionate and understanding mother, remembering what I went through when I was younger, and what I deal with now. Being able to say "hey, I don't like this, and I need to stop..." not that they always listen! But modelling proper behaviour rather than throwing my own tantrum is a step in them learning how to do so themselves.

So anyway, I suffer from some perfectionist issues.  I have to physically restrain myself from "fixing" things at times, and let them learn and explore.  I have noticed B has these issues too - has since he was a toddler!  He refused to say a word unless he knew he was saying it right. He can't just leave something unless it's RIGHT. If someone else is doing something different than he thinks it should be, he physically shakes if he can't make it RIGHT.

It's hard, because I know how he feels. How do I teach him to move on, if I have trouble?

Today was a lesson for us and I think it went well. We made ornaments! Salt dough ornaments.

First we measured the ingredients. (omg Messy! *twitch*)
Then we mixed. (more twitching)
Then we kneaded. (I didn't do too well here, I kneaded it for them to a point. hah)

Then we rolled.  (FAILED that one.)
Then we cut two ornaments to be the official ornaments this year, and then I let them go for it. So we all win. I get my "perfect" and they get their fun.

When it comes down to it, my kids are clever, and it all worked out well.

At least, until the paints come out. *twitch*



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If you want to make your own ornaments, here is the recipe!

Preheat oven to about 125°C/250°F

1/2 cup salt
1 cup flour
1/2 cup water

Mix well, knead, roll out to about 3-4mm or so - thick enough to not break, but thin enough to bake evenly.  Cut with cookie cutters.

Bake for 2 hours. (yes, two) Let cool completely, and then paint with acrylic paints.

Yesterday we went on a road trip about an hour south to visit some friends. It's always fun to spend time with someone else who "gets" my kids, and doesn't judge.   We are lucky to have a lot of people in our lives that adore our kids. While planning B's birthday party earlier this year, four of the people he asked to come were *our* friends - who are almost old enough to be their grandparents!

There are no subtle insults, no disparaging comments disguised as jokes.  I find that I can relax and just go with it, and not have to constantly be on guard.  Yesterday, the boys (all four of them) and the two dog, had a blast, but I think us mums were just wiped out by the end of the day. I was in bed by 9:30! That's almost unheard of for me!

I mentioned before that there are things that "normal" families do, that we don't, and that's what we're dealing with now. We don't do outings very much, because as much as we enjoy them, the boys get so worked up and it takes a few days to wind down.

Z slept in with us again last night - "slept" being a loose term, since none of us got much sleep. It was compounded today by the fact that The Mister got up with them and let me sleep until 10am, and then I had appointments today, so I was gone from 11 to about 1pm, and then again from 2:30 to 3:30, and THEN we had to chuck them into the car on a very hot day to head to the bank to sign papers, because we had nobody to come sit with them for 10 minutes.

So they've had two unstructured days, that, while fun, have landed us in a bit of mayhem, and unfortunately we have yet another busy weekend (and week!) ahead of us, so I need to make as much time *structured* (not rigid, mind) so they have those times to fall back on when I need them to just go with the flow.  We also have the added stress of virtual strangers (to our kids) coming to stay the night on Thursday. We haven't seen this couple since we moved here over 4 years ago, so we've already been "coaching" B on the coming events.

Some of the "escapes" I have in mind this weekend include: making our own play-dough (since B ate most of the stuff we had. Ugh.), a trial run of making some Christmas gifts - we're making fudge and caramel!  I will also be pulling out the tunnel and tent for some low-stimulation time, trips to the park with one of us to allow the other parent to get things done - encouraging climbing and hanging for that stretching feeling.  Foot massage and "squeezing out the toothpaste" from their arms. I want to also grab a work-out ball. I forget if they have another name - but you know what I mean. One of those big ones - maybe even two so they don't fight? :P So they can roll around and bounce on them to get that input their bodies need to function.

For more ideas - click here.

Hope you all have a "Sensational" weekend.

I've mentioned before that B is a very social child. Overly social in some respects. Doesn't understand the concept of "Stranger danger" at. all.

It worries me. When he was younger I worried he would trust the wrong person when he was older. Now I still worry about that, but I also worry that his feelings will be hurt. He's very sensitive, and doesn't really understand that not everyone is his friend, and not everyone thinks he's clever.

Doesn't understand that there are a whole mess of people who feel children should be seen and not heard. Who don't think he's clever and cute. So far, most of the people he's come in contact with think he's great, and it makes me happy that they're so open to talking to him.

B loves - LOVES - to have conversations with "growmups" because we have all the answers. Other kids don't know much about the workings of the world, and he needs to know everything about the world.

He knows how a piston engine works. He knows what the insulators on power wires are. He knows a lot of things that a 5 year old probably shouldn't...and if YOU don't know what it is, he is more than happy to tell you all about it. In detail.

Right now he's obsessed with Juicers. I have no idea where he even heard of juicers, but that's what he's all about lately.  Tomorrow we're going to someone's house who has a juicer.  I may have to warn her that she's going to have to answer a lot of questions... lol

My biggest challenge with B is to teach him how to appropriately share space with other people. He's very intense and often can't shift from his focus/need/interest to see what else is going on around him.

So in effect I have a social child who has no idea how to be around other people. Thankfully at the moment he's cute and young and people tend to love his thirst for knowledge. But I know that soon it's going to change. I'm going to get more "looks" and he's going to be getting more negative attention. Which will hurt his feelings.

I'm hoping that the people we are surrounding ourselves with, through the homeschooling network,  will give him a soft place to land. Where he can be himself, where the "growmups" will understand, because their kids are like this too.

Gifted.
How many of you roll your eyes when you hear someone gush about their gifted child?  I know I do.
"Wait. What?" you might be thinking. "You have a gifted child and you roll your eyes at them??"

Well, kind of, yes. See, before I knew I had a gifted child, I didn't realise just what gifted meant.   It's not *just* being smart or talented. It's not about being proficient at any given thing. I love hearing about other children's accomplishments and will clap and rave along with their parents. Because yes, it IS great that Johnny is doing whatever it is that warrants celebration...
It's just not the same as finding a parent of a gifted child to talk to. Who *gets* it.

I really don't like the word "gifted".  It seems like it's emotionally charged. Most parents I know with exceptionally or profoundly gifted children don't talk about it. It's not so much that it's a secret, it's that it offends other parents who have preconceived notions themselves.  "Oh she thinks her kid is so smart, hey?" and then the comparisons start.

Frankly? My son will not come out on top in a contest.  He will either get distracted by the other children, want to dispute the method and/or rules to the contest, or find something more interesting to do over there --->
Then when someone else wins, he will cry because he wanted to win, too, but you just CAN'T do it all, ever, and so he gets upset.

According to the evaluation he had done he is exceptionally gifted - using the "old" IQ levels, that's 160-179. At four.  His brain works in ways I can't even comprehend, and it causes a lot of problems for him and us, as a family.  It's expected that when a child is advanced in one area, there tends to be another area (if not more than one) that they are behind in.  For B, he's emotionally immature. "But he's 5, all 5 year olds are!" However in our case B's emotional level is on par with his brother's - at about 2.5/3 years old.

When the psychological assessment didn't give us any answers as to how to help him with that part of things, we took him to an Occupational Therapist, where he was found to have some severe sensory integration issues.  This is common in gifted children - it's known in some circles as "overexcitabilities" - from here:

Polish psychologist Kazimierz Dabrowski identified five of these intensities, which he called "overexcitabilities" or "supersensitivities": Psychomotor, Sensual, Emotional, Intellectual, and Imaginational. Gifted children tend to have more than one of these intensities, although one is usually dominant.

B has to deal with all five of these - but his main one is Emotional, followed by Psychomotor.  Occupational therapy will help him learn to cope with these overwhelming feelings, and help us to help him, as well as learn to cope ourselves with his energy.

Recently I learned the term "twice exceptional" - which is what started the idea for the blog growing in my brain.  I much prefer this term, because it not only indicates my son's intelligence issues, but also the fact that there is this OTHER thing.   For us, it's sensory - or Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). A quick look at the following can give you a little insight as to how this affects our life on not only a day to day basis, but often hour to hour, or minute to minute...

(click for bigger)

B doesn't deal with every one of these issues, but Z covers some, as do The Mister and I.  We are a sensory nightmare all together, and as a result, we don't actually do a lot of things that other families do.  The mere suggestion of going to the Show (like a County Fair for those not familiar) will make us recoil in horror.  We don't go to movies. We don't go to air shows or anything at all that might be crowded. Going to the shops can be a total nightmare and requires advanced notice and a lot of coaching. And I still have to leave in the middle of it sometimes, to bring them home, and go back, hopefully to find my trolley where I left it.

It was hard for me, for the longest time, to admit we weren't "just like" everyone else. Now, however, I'm okay with that. I love my kids. I don't want to change them, to make them conform, just for the sake of "fitting in" - I just want us all to have the tools to make life that little bit easier to deal with.

I've been thinking of that song from Mary Poppins - the one Mr. Banks sings, about his "shed-yool"! ;)

Let's talk about schedules and routines. Do you have one? Do you stick to it? Does your *child* like it?

I am not a person who is tidy and organised by nature. I have mild ADD and I used to have to do a million things at once, so my work space was often cluttered as a result. I remember when I was working for a small law firm about 12 years ago, and I had my daily routine down pat. I had most of my work done by mid-morning and my filing was under control. It left me plenty of time to handle the "big jobs" my bosses threw at me, often at the last minute. I have Flylady to thank for that. While I never took it as far as she does, I learned so much from her about routines.

When we first moved back to this town a little over four years ago, again, I had a routine, and we did well with it. The housework never got completely out of control, B was 10 months old and we had a busy week with story time at the library, swimming, playgroup, and later, when he started walking, kindergym. It seemed so easy at that point!

Fast forward four years. We have moved into a much smaller house, we now have another child, and our own business, and a fraction of the income we used to have. To say it's challenging to organise life is an understatement. It's also against my nature. I KNOW I do well when I have a routine, but it's hard to get into one for me. I'm SO not a morning person. I mumble along in the morning, throwing food to the lion...er children, and holding my cuppa like it's a life line. On really bad days I start the diet coke right away. :P Somewhere around, oh, 11:00 I might perk up a bit and throw a load of laundry in and make sure the boys aren't leaving permanent marks on each other or any walls. Then I do *something* that needs to be done. Then I'm good. lol

However, in the back of my mind like the nagging wife I am not, is the weekly cleaning routine from the control journal I created years ago.  I still go with it, when I am motivated to. Mondays are our bedroom and office. Tuesdays are the bathrooms/toilet. Wednesday is the boys' room and laundry room. Thursday is Bin night, so I clean the kitchen. Friday is...um. Well, something I haven't yet done. lol

This doesn't work if you have a family and a business and lots (and LOTS) of STUFF.

This also doesn't work if you have a child like B that thrives on structure, even though he tends to resist it at times. Everything I have read has stressed routine. Not necessarily minute by minute, but things that happen in a certain order, every day. Meals and snacks at the same time, wake up at the same time, bed at the same time, etc. However B HAS to know what time things happen. Or he asks us eleventy billion times (<-- technical number, that!) and it drive me mental. So I have worked up a routine. I'm not sure who it's going to be hardest on, because I have to drag my bum out of bed BEFORE 7am if I want to get a shower in. *grumble mutter* I thought the whole point of working and schooling AT HOME was to not have to conform to anyone's schedule. PFFT! The things we do for our kids, hey?

Anyway - here is our new routine/schedule, starting tomorrow.

I colour coded different parts of the day - like times we eat (teal), time to play (purple) etc., so B will be able to find them easily. He can read the list, but he's still unsure of himself with reading, and I'm hoping this will help him find things on the list. This one will live on our fridge, but I've also written out some (sloppy) little cards for the mister's and my desks, so he knows where we are in the day, and what needs to be done if I am otherwise occupied. I have made my own schedule as well, for things I will be doing when the boys are having their playtime and nap/quiet time. It's going to be REALLY hard for me to do this, so I could use some moral support/productive vibes send my way!  I'm hoping to tackle some of my decluttering/organising projects during this magical "free time" I've scheduled in. That's a topic for a future post though! :)

B has always been a high needs child, ever since he was born. Of course being my first, I didn't realise that, and honestly, I felt like a failure because it was just *so hard* to take care of him. Of course now that I've had a second child, I know that B wasn't a typical child.  He was late to do many things that other children do, and had a hard time adjusting to change.  Things settled down a bit when we moved interstate when he was about 9 months old, and he seemed to be "catching up" to things other kids were doing.

Fast forward to when he was 18 months and I first realised something was "wrong" with his temperament.  I talked to everyone - both friends and professionals, who all assured me it was "just a phase." Unfortunately 4 years later, we're still dealing with a lot of the same things we did back then. I don't hold it against any of my friends, but I struggle with trusting professionals to accurately understand things, due to this.
B has always - always - loved other people. His favourite thing was to be around a lot of people and activity, even if we weren't interacting with them. The solution? I spent a LOT of time at the shopping centres for the first 8 months of his life!

When we moved, I didn't feel the need to be out of the house quite so much. I LOVED the house we lived in, loved the neighbourhood we lived in and the park nearby, so we were quite active.

Things got rough when he turned 2 and I fell pregnant with Z. Honestly, the next year is quite a blur and he and I came out on the other side of it virtual strangers.  It still makes me sad that so much time was lost with him.
When B was 3.5 he had a checkup and I was at my wits end. I desperately asked for help and was told to read Raising Your Spirited Child. It helped, and I am actually re-reading the book right now. I HIGHLY recommend it if you have a child that is MORE than other kids - more intense, sensitive, perceptive and/or energetic - among other things! It may just give you the tools to help both you and your child be happier, calmer and more successful at things in life.

Of course, there is a lot of trial and error with these sorts of things, which has carried through to today. He has since been evaluated by both a psychologist and an occupational therapist, which is how we arrived at our diagnosis.

More on that tomorrow, I think, as it is WAY past my bedtime - morning comes early around these parts!

Though most of you reading this right now will know my story from travelling this journey with me, I'll do a bit of a recap of things for future readers.

As you can guess by the title, I have two boys, who are "Twice exceptional" - gifted and dealing with some other disorder.  In our case it's Sensory Processing Disorder. Now, technically only my oldest, Ben (5) has been evaluated, but experience and observation have shown us that our youngest, Zach (2.5), is also dealing with a lot of the same issues. 

This blog will cover our experiences in finding balance in life. I have a full plate. My husband and I have our own business, which enables us both to be at home with our children, but also puts a strain on us financially.  My husband works about 15-18 hours of the day, while I taking care of the boys and the housework (not well, let me tell you)!  Added to that we have started homeschooling B, and it's really chaotic in our house of a day.

We are working on changing our routines, commitments and our expectations, in the hopes that we will all lead a happier, calmer, daily life.

A few things I'd like to get out of the way though: 

1) I am by no means a writer.  I write like I'm talking to someone - to you! I'm going to make mistakes, I guarantee it. Especially considering I only have time to write at about 10pm most nights.  I am open to correction, but please be gentle. 

2) I use smilies a lot.  Probably more than I should. Just a warning. ;)

3) I am not a photographer. If I share pictures, they will be candid shots, taken with my camera phone. Probably blurry because my kids never sit still long enough for the picture to snap. If the mister is feeling creative it might be one of his snaps.  I have been encouraging his interest in our DSLR as a way to get out of the house and have some down time. 

4) I will not allow nasty comments. If you can't be polite, move along.  I am writing this simply because I need an outlet for the experiences  I am going through, and because the few people I know in similar situations and I have trouble finding others dealing with this sort of thing. It's a place to get ideas, not insults. I really appreciate when people can have differing opinions without getting rude - I find I grow more when I am challenged to think about something in a different way.

Anyway, thanks for reading so far!

Thanks for checking out my new blog. It's currently a work in progress, but I hope to have some actual content soon!